Well, I listen to electronic dance music when I work out.

Every single time I've been asked "What's your favorite music?" I answer... "Ummm, everything." And then whoever I am speaking to looks at me in disbelief, unsatisfied. So the last time this happened I said, "Well, I listen to electronic dance music when I work out." Then everything was cool again.

People say dubstep (a particular strand of EDM) is boring, which it may be (I don't think it is but that's OK). There is no possibility of me thinking that when I'm running as fast as I can, or pulling as hard as I can on a rowing machine, or swinging on an elliptical in the basement of a gym with no windows and only the ticking clock to stare at.

I like this remix of Moby's "Go" (not dubstep, but "electronica downtempo trip hop ambient house techno punk rock" according to Google) which samples "Laura's Theme" from Twin Peaks.

- F

From Days Past

This afternoon I stumbled upon a love note/letter from a long time ago... I stumbled upon my response as well. Cringe-worthy. Absolutely cringe-worthy. Now that I've read it, memories, fuzzy but still there, of love notes/letters I've written and responses I've gotten have come to the forefront of my thoughts. These love notes/letters and responses were, on my part only, not beautiful, not lovely, not moving... just painfully immature and childish, confused, sometimes mean, and shame-worthy (the worst thing isn't an unintelligent person but a person trying desperately to sound intelligent). Oh, humility! Where were you when I needed you most?

Is it possible that I've changed so much that I can look back now at who I was in my early 20's and say, "That girl is dead"? In a way, yes, she's gone.

Now, after some time has past (45 minutes at best), I'm willing to judge myself a little less harshly. I was always honest. I was struggling with how to use words. I was fervently seeking knowledge and I was wanting to share it. I always wanted to love. These are all still a part of who I am.

But I am no longer as impulsive, no longer as eager to share my perceived intelligence (only eager to share the knowledge which I know), and finally, no longer AS harsh, rude, mean. Life has caught up with me, or I with it, and it has affected me enough that, only through the passing of time, has made me sensitive in all ways, sensitive enough to perceive more than my own. Perhaps, consequently, stronger. 

I hope too that I am less judgmental of people, male or female, young or old, who remind me of those years. Luckily, I think I've tapped more into my inner child with the help of those who love me most. It was then that I was good.

- F

Fairy Rings

I received my first issue of The Morton Arboretum's Seasons digital magazine. I recently became a member and the magazine is one of the perks. I'm enjoying reading it. I'm learning a ton about tree migration, bats, phenology... and all this other fascinating stuff.

There's an interesting bit about fairy rings - those mushroom circles you might have seen on the ground in a forest or woodsy area - which have been called enchanted or ominous places where fairies and other creatures gather... 

Why fairy rings develop, scientifically, is a result of something buried underground, usually a huge hunk of wood, like a tree stump. The bark is eaten up by fungal fibers, and then those fibers become mushrooms as they rise from the ground, which creates the fairy ring mushroom circle. The soil benefits from the mushroom growth.

For me, science just adds to the mystery of it. Even with this awesome explanation, I can't help but still feel an aura of magic when I see one. 

- F

Passage No. 1

The green trees

wave goodbye

as breezes and new gusts

flow through them

telling us

fall is near.

A few weeks

before the equinox

(the passage from

summer’s movement

to autumnal hush) –

whispers – to me –

careful careful

fragile

one.

- F