From Days Past

This afternoon I stumbled upon a love note/letter from a long time ago... I stumbled upon my response as well. Cringe-worthy. Absolutely cringe-worthy. Now that I've read it, memories, fuzzy but still there, of love notes/letters I've written and responses I've gotten have come to the forefront of my thoughts. These love notes/letters and responses were, on my part only, not beautiful, not lovely, not moving... just painfully immature and childish, confused, sometimes mean, and shame-worthy (the worst thing isn't an unintelligent person but a person trying desperately to sound intelligent). Oh, humility! Where were you when I needed you most?

Is it possible that I've changed so much that I can look back now at who I was in my early 20's and say, "That girl is dead"? In a way, yes, she's gone.

Now, after some time has past (45 minutes at best), I'm willing to judge myself a little less harshly. I was always honest. I was struggling with how to use words. I was fervently seeking knowledge and I was wanting to share it. I always wanted to love. These are all still a part of who I am.

But I am no longer as impulsive, no longer as eager to share my perceived intelligence (only eager to share the knowledge which I know), and finally, no longer AS harsh, rude, mean. Life has caught up with me, or I with it, and it has affected me enough that, only through the passing of time, has made me sensitive in all ways, sensitive enough to perceive more than my own. Perhaps, consequently, stronger. 

I hope too that I am less judgmental of people, male or female, young or old, who remind me of those years. Luckily, I think I've tapped more into my inner child with the help of those who love me most. It was then that I was good.

- F