Paper Flowers

I remember art & crafts class from when I was in grade school. It didn't happen all the time, but once a week or so, and everyone was given construction paper, glue, paper and colored pencils, markers, and crayons. I remember being not very good and wanting to be. I'd get bored and spread Elmer's glue on my hand and peel it off, liking the sensation of the cold glue drying and then becoming a thin dry surface to peel off. My Dad took me to an arts & crafts class once in the city too, and I got to use a bunch of cool stuff like pastels and water colors. But I didn't continue, and I focused on other things, like reading books and playing the piano, which I absolutely loved.

I started crafting again a couple years ago. What I've discovered is that my hands are now more steady, my attention more focused, the process more enjoyable. I light a candle or keep scented oil by me, put on some relaxing music, and begin. It's calming now. I think when I was young I had all these other thoughts in my head, especially about identity. Also, I was aware of being watched, or if I wasn't being watched I had a certain paranoia about making mistakes. This is what I'm trying to get at: when you're young, and your mind is cloudy with thoughts about yourself or other people or sadness or confusion for whatever reason, it is very difficult to ground yourself. Once you take care of the mind, settle it, come to terms, and know who you are, how you perceive, how others might perceive, then you can truly ground the hands to create something. That's my own theory anyway. Once I had sorted out all the madness in my mind to some extent, I was able to try to make something, like something as simple as a paper flower. 

For a display at the library, I created tissue paper flowers. After that, I kept making them, and I've gotten a lot better. 

- F